2009

This has not been the biggest blog year for me, but it's been one of the best years of all 29 of them. And I promise to share more in 2010. Why, Natalie, why would you do that? Well, in 2010, I will begin touring with Second City's RedCo. After two short years of understudying, I am finally going on the road. There are many emotions wrapped up in this...I am of course very happy and excited...but my sometime-aversion to travel is popping up a little, as is my separation anxiety from Chicago and from Matt. But my attention defecit really lends itself to being on the road, and for that I am grateful and excited to be doing something that may really suit me. Also, who isn't excited to be doing a few shows in Iowa City??? Anyway, this is what I moved to Chicago to do and I feel very blessed to be given the opportunity. And you're welcome, blog audience. My travels will be documented here beginning January 22. FUN!

What else? Well it's been a wonderful holiday. Matt and I spent Thanksgiving in Decatur, IL with no less than his entire family. It's a different experience than my family for sure, considering I have less than a third of the family he has. But I've always liked our small gatherings. Which we will have over Christmas in Vegas! Matt's coming with me, and we already have a full entertainment schedule.

Oh, I haven't said a thing about my 29th birthday. Well...

It was fun.

I hope everyone is having a great holiday.

Thanks

I feel like I've been waiting for the holidays since January of this year. I am incredibly happy they made it. Tomorrow, very early, I will be on my way to Decatur, IL to celebrate Thanksgiving and other various milestones with Matt's family. His whole family. Virtually every single member. No big deal.

I am also 3 days from my 29th birthday. As Amy so rhetorically reminded me, it is in fact the last year of my 20s. I have to say I'm pretty ok with that. Aside from this annoying biological clock, I'm pretty excited to get the hell out of this decade. My 20s have been fun and interesting and important...but they're also pretty overrated. There's a humorous, but humbling, comfort in looking back on things I did 7, 5, even one year ago and think, "Oh yikes, I would never do that again." So here's to being older and having more life to carry with me.

Think of things you're thankful for. And EAT!!

Slow Blog Year

I'm going to say it's because of all the exciting things I've been doing. Or it's because I'm ashamed to blog about sitting in my apartment. It's a little of both. But either way I've come back like I always do. What have we missed?

Girls Night Out! Great show, great cast, and I'm sad it's over. But we will continue to hold reunions at douchebag bars.

More girls, but the CSz kind. Ladiez Cook and Clean at TNo's place with a good percentage of CSz women represented. We got serious and made pasta. Serious pasta.

Halloween! Matt and I both went the cartoon route (ugh, I get it, the Flash is a comic not a carto-zzzzzzzzzzzzzz). Regardless here we are, The Flash and Jem!

Other things to report...I was thisclose to being in a commercial for the first time in my life. That was an exciting four days of jumping whenever my phone rang. But really, it was. Despite my lack of funds and the adjustment to rejection, I manage to remind myself how happy I am to be in the position to get that phone call.

And speaking of life progress, I'm fully embracing the fact that I can't live without TV. Maybe some elitist "readers" or "outdoor enthusiasts" will look down their noses at me, but I'm not afraid to admit it anymore. A few weeks ago for financial reasons I decided to go without cable for the first time in my life. Without a digital converter, I've had nothing but DVDs, radio and buffering internet video. Until today. The digital box I borrowed from a friend at work finally decided to cooperate with my TV and like magic, network television appeared. I had never been so happy to see Two and a Half Men. TV is just a fixture. I had all these aspirations of silence and work and self discovery. But instead I would just take too much time to locate my desired Buffy episode on DVD so I could have something on while I stood in the kitchen doing dishes. When you live alone, the TV is your roommate. And if my roommate can't passively talk to me, I'm not ok. So I said it. I need my TV.

And now I have to go and fall asleep watching the Home Shopping Network. Or telenovelas.

Stuff I'm Currently Not Doing

Here's what's going on in my apartment that I've been meaning to address for...5 years. I keep moving the same crap over and over and thinking I'll get rid of it "next time." So let's take a look.

Top Shelf: Coke stuff. Ok, fine, no issue there. What you don't see sitting in front of the truck's front wheel is my severed Lollapalooza bracelet from this year. Fine to keep, but it needs to go into my oft-idealized, never realized scrap book. In the cup there you may noticed some braided palms from Palm Sunday this year. Again, great to have, but I forget that I never properly disposed of the ones from last year. Sorry, JC.

First shelf: lots of books. Too many. Several of them could stand to go to a nice open space where they can run and play with other books.

Second shelf: Eesh. This shelf is broken. So I've balanced a bunch of light crap there that I don't have any other space for. Stapler, tape, pens, sewing kit my aunt gave me when I went to college....great. Glittler glue pens from an art project for my Sunday school class in 2005?? I'm a mess.

Bottom shelf: Tools. Three hole punch. Mini-speakers for my computer. Giant binder containing my Second City understudy packet. Notepads from a gift set and a two-pack of Silly Putty from my mom's Easter package this year. Come on, Sullivan.

So what have we learned? Well, I've taken the time to share this assessment on my blog while drinking coffee and watching Price is Right rather than actually doing something about it. But maybe the accountability will catch up with me. You know, before I go back to the office next week.

Fall Back On

Well happy fall. I know it's a little premature, but as soon as Pumpkin Spice Lattes hit Starbucks, it's that time again. The weather in Chicago has been perfect and I'm ready to love things again. The past month or so has been tough. Maybe I hate summer. Maybe I missed Bar Harbor just a little. Maybe...a lot of things. But mostly I think I fell victim to jobless depression. I've been without regular work for 3 months, and I think it took about two months for the fun to wear off. I hate not being busy. If I'm not swamped I get nothing done, I start running late, and I just complain a whole lot more. So it's time to shake off the weirdness of summer '09 and move on.

I am trying to tackle some writing projects as we speak, which means I'm easily distracted. Hence this blog. Also, I fell victim to trying to clean out some email. Which lead me to go all the way back to the beginning of my yahoo account in March of 2005. Four and half years ago my life looked a lot different. Do this. Look at your sent box as far back as you can and see how many of those people you still talk to. Or how many of those emails make you roll your eyes or laugh or groan. Of course I realize the difference between 24 and 28 is significant. So I'm giving 24 year-old me the benefit of the doubt. Plus the space-time continuum doesn't allow me to punch myself, so there are things I just have to shake my head at, chuckle and try to forget. I'm sure I'll do it all over again when I'm 32.

A September 1, 2009 update, in the spirit of time-dashing...

• I really appreciate the intentions of raw-food vegans, but I am not meant to be one.
• 2010 will be my year of superficiality. In a good way.
• I love spending full days at home cooking and cleaning. But after two months of it, I begin to break things.
• A year ago this time I was preparing to go to Novi, MI. I really loved that.

I'm ready for my first fall at home since 2006.

My Favorite Things

When I started this blog my intention was to focus on things I love. Well I am suffering from a serious lack of geek-out. This needs to be remedied.

So what am I doing these days...well, I'm involved in some super awesome things.

District 9!! No, not the movie. And not just these two ladies. I just don't have any full team pictures. But Bev and Julie are 20% of this kick-ass CSz Rec League team. It's been an honor for me to coach them.

Uniformless! It's been a fun summer with these guys. Shortform players doing longform...without our UNIFORMS. Come see a show, you'll get it.

I'm very lucky to be in this van. Girls Night Out has been great so far and the cast couldn't be better. Our rides to and from Arlington Heights every weekend are ridiculous. Totally ridiculous. Speaking of ridiculous...I found this magazine backstage and it has clearly left me dumbstruck. DramaBiz Magazine, tagline: Giving You the Business. YES!!!!!

I miss reveling in my lameness. More to come.

Summery

A couple months ago I said I wasn't going to blink until after Lollapalooza. I got to blink!

So I went to DC and did my show and saw this.

And this...

And Bethany! Here we are on the tour of the Capitol that I tagged along on... And Matt came to see my show! But really he came to see the Air and Space Museum.

It has been a ridiculous summer. Good ridiculous. It's nice to settle down and be doing a regular show. Girls Night out opened last weekend and is going along very well. I haven't done a regular show run since Novi, and I forgot how nice it is to saunter into a theatre, put on make up, gossip, do stupid bits, flip through a magazine and then make a bunch of normal folks laugh at a song about dicks. It's nice to be home too.

Speaking of home, thank you, Chicago!

Forsythe and I were the only serious ones. Open to close.Roommates! Former roommates. Rob's made a tradition of coming back from Hollywood every year for the occasion.Hot ladies. No, really, it was really hot out there.

So about settling. Now that things are quieting down, and I have a show going on, and I have a return to the office on the horizon...this is where I tend to get weird. I like when things are in flux and I get uncomfortable when they're stable. Well. I'm waiting.

2009: The Fastest Year in the Entire History of Forever

I still have to make the conscious effort to write '09 on checks, etc and it's July! Holy F.

So I've taken a real summer vacay in a lot of ways. Literal ones...

Portland! Sarah really was having the best time ever. Bob and Stacey hosted us at their theatre, and we held an official Firecracker reunion.

Oh man, I'm having so much fun!

Portland led to Sun City, AZ.

Uncle Pete: Here, Nat, take this. In my chair with a right wing book and a remote. This is me.

Back to my days of liesure...Uncle Carl visits! A pic of him taking a pic on the lakefront Loyola campus.



These kids got married! The wedding was a great time. Thanks and congrats, John and Tracey!

And speaking of lovely couples...in the tent backstage of the CSz Taste of Chicago shows.

Happy 4th! At Tamara's annual bbq. Matt and I are strategically placed in front of a box of Twinkies. Pure coincidence.

CSz Chicago represents at Tournament in Milwaukee! A few of us dropped in the last night and hit up some shows and partying.

So Chicago didn't win tourney, but man look at these prizes!

In addition to the literal vacation, I've clearly taken some mental time off. It's a bad sign when blogging is a chore. Or a good one? I've been busy with travelling and shows and preparing for the trip to Washington DC for the Fringe Fest. After that, I start rehearsal for Girls' Night Out in Arlington Heights. That's mostly what I have to report.

I hope the 8 of you are happy for the update.

mom and dad

My parents celebrated 37 years of marriage this past week. I am proud of them. Two more reasons they are the greatest:

Me: I have enough money not to work, but I may be broke at the end of summer.
Mom: You know you can always come here. You know, if you had to.

Me: Hey dad. Are you busy?
Dad: I'm always busy. But never too busy for you.

Both true stories. I love you, mom and dad. Thank you for returning the favor to Amy and me and each other.

What's the Buzz

Tell me what's happening...

I have some great pictures. But my incidental internet connection is uncooperative. A recap:

I attended my second conference for work. Hollywood, FL!!! What a delight.

Visited Danny and Honit. They have a family. How crazy and wonderful. It was so fun to see them and their boys.

Lost my day job. Well, that sounds dramatic. I'm just on hiatus for the summer, which is actually a pretty good time. I've become a poster-child for daytime buyouts at CSz. Happy graduation all you middle schools!!

Speaking of CSz, I've adopted a Rec League team. What a kickass group of improvisors. Come see District 9 if you're in Chicago!

I'm on the verge of a trip to Portland, OR to see Bob and Stacey. YAY!!!! That trip will be followed by a trip to DC for the Fringe Fest. Vinnie and I are digging Hopelessly Devoted out of the old hope chest and shaking the dust off it. Yay for a bi-coastal summer!

John and Tracey had their respective bachelor/bachelorette parties and their wedding is approaching. It's been a long time since I've seen friends get married. Nice work, you two.

So...things are good.

Mom.

Last night I performed in the first show I've ever produced on my own. I had an idea, I talked to people about being in it, I secured a space and a music director, and I wrote something. It only took 5 years to get to this. And the show came together in three weeks.

I took for granted how frantic and scared and scattered this would make me. I didn't take my camera to the show, which I'm still sad about, but despite my willingness to blog, I take some delight in having things that will always stay in my head and not on a memory card. Or that's how I will comfort myself anyway.

The show was great. Really great. I was amazed watching 9 women whom I really respect and enjoy create original work, and I was honored that I got to do it alongside them. Some of them I've been friends with since I got to Chicago, some I've only watched and looked up to. All I regard among the best performers in the city or in all of comedy. Not hyperbole. They are that good. I'm so grateful to know them and to be able to do this thing I love. Thank you, ladies. And thank you to everyone who helped make it possible.

I did manage a few pics with my phone when a few of us went to Cesar's afterward...

Tamara, what's with your hand? I don't know.

TD and KD have a lot of business on their phones.

Katie, Tam's roommate, showed us her "dad dollar." This inspired talk of a Father's Day show. Oh boy.

Huge thanks of course to my mom. If not for her, I wouldn't have been motivated to put this show together. I would maybe not be in Chicago, not performing, well of course, I wouldn't be in this world when it comes down to it. But logistics aside, she is nuts, and I love her. She's done everything for me, and I hope that I can be the same kind of mother one day. Well, minus a few things. Thanks, mom.

Off to Florida tomorrow for the office's annual conference. And, speaking of moms, to see Danny and Honit. YAY!!

KNIFE FIGHT DANCE PARTY

We're really doing it. Timmy, John and I enjoy Micou's dance at Potbelly's. His dance that might be in response to his 2 year-old daughter psychotically screaming DANCE PARTY!!!!!!! It will all make sense when our videos hit the internet.

Starting next week, I might not blink until after Lollapalooza. I'm going to Miami, Portland, Phoenix, DC and...Lollapalooza. Summer in Chicago really is the best. Even in other places.

What I do for a Living

Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!

I missed these Macy's jobs. I get to do another one this weekend. If you're in downtown Chicago Saturday from 1-3, stop by the kids dept. You can get your face painted too.

The Daddy Tomato Squished the Baby Tomato...

Almost a week ago, I was doing this.... Shamrock Shuffle! Megan, Timmy and I braved the Chicago spring and walked 5k through slush and snow with squishy shoes. In the end, we had our pride, accomplishment and whole wheat bagels provided by Whole Foods.

Today, I did this. We filmed some promo videos for CSz at the Intercontinental. He's blurry, but that's Brian about to pull a Looney Tunes on the inexplicable subway staircase painted on the wall. Good bit.

And the day just gets better. Mom sent me this novelty card and a kick ass recipe for brownies. Between this, yoga and Buffy, it's really shaped up to be the best Saturday on record.

So what has been happening since I've been blog-absent...well, not a lot. It's the eve of my favorite mass of the year, not counting Easter Vigil. I'm all giddy for Palm Sunday tomorrow. And how has Lent been? Well, every year I have pretty grand designs on how my Lent will unfold...how many rosaries I will say, how many volunteer hours I will accrue. And I tend to reach Holy Week with an unchecked spiritual to-do list and an intent to cram for the final. This year is no different, except that it's very different. Unchecked list, check. Unchecked Catholic guilt, uncheck.

Holy Weeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

The Best Thing I've Seen in a While

(Thanks, Micou.)

Becoming

Last week on the first Friday of Lent I was abstaining from meat, as is Catholic tradition. Throughout the day I started to think, "Huh...I wonder if I really need to be eating meat at all." The answer over the last few days has become a clear, "I don't think so." And so I have done what I tend to do with any new idea: jumped in with my clothes on and swam around in it. I've been reading all kinds of vegetarian websites, health info, recipes, etc. I've known vegetarians and Vegans my whole life and have never really understood it. I think I'm beginning to. I will not use my blog to elaborate on the health or environmental benefits of vegetarianism in an effort to inform or convert my 8 faithful readers. As with my religion, I don't believe in outright evangelism, I believe in living your principles. So I'll talk about how I feel, but I take no official position on your eating habits. Yes, you.

That said, this is not about vegetarianism per se. This is about "becoming." It's a big word, in addition to being the title of one of the best two-part season finales in all of TV history. I have been meat-free for almost one week. I've felt compelled to keep people informed of my decision, but at no point have I told anyone, "I'm a vegetarian." I don't feel like I am one. Not yet. We can call ourselves a lot of things. I am a girl. I am a 28 year-old. I am an American of Irish-German descent. Those are finite titles that can be scientifically proven. The phrase "I am" shouldn't be thrown around the way it often is. This is well illustrated in the Spanish language, where there are two separate forms of the verb "to be," ser and estar, one referring to state of being and one referring to properties of being. The English "am" is...broad.

I tell people I'm Catholic, that I'm a Democrat, that I'm a bad flier. The truth is, I practice Catholicism, I'm more aligned with Democratic ideals and sometimes I take valium and fall asleep at my gate and miss a business flight. The tangible act of "being" one thing or another demands long term commitment, unwavering consistency, a binding legal contract or plain old genetic programming. I've only recently started referring to myself as an actor because in the past year I have more times than not gotten paid to do just that. Before I was an actor, I was a contract administrative assistant who practiced the skill of comedic performance. That doesn't sound as cool when you're introducing yourself to someone at a bar.

A woman who has a baby becomes a mother. She becomes a mother through the experience of carrying a child and enduring labor (I am in no way undermining the motherhood of a woman who adopts. She becomes in a different way). A man becomes a father through his interaction with the mother and the child. That's why I always contend that a woman becomes a mother...a man has to earn fatherhood.

My favorite yoga instructor always talks to us at the beginning of class. There is a clear delineation between the instructors at my gym who teach "fitness yoga" and those who teach "spiritual yoga." This particular woman strikes the perfect balance. So she talks to us before class about setting our intention and often she offers some yoga-inspired philosophy. The most striking to me so far was a quote she relayed. So striking in fact that I'm paraphrasing it...but it was something to the effect of "The perfection is in the practice." It is difficult for any of us in our lifetimes to say we've arrived somewhere or finished something or fully become whatever. But we sure do practice.

Each Sunday I practice my Catholic faith. A couple times a week, I practice my improv and acting skills in front of an audience. Now when I eat, I practice vegetarianism. Hopefully in the times between practicing these things, I am becoming them.

Reach Out and Touch Faith

Mostly because I'm listening to Johnny Cash's cover of Personal Jesus right now. Man, that guy, huh? (Thanks, Wolfson, for this CD. You're getting it back tonight)

I won't bother to continually apologize for my lack of blog. Wait, did I just...? Regardless... it's suddenly Lent again. I feel like just yesterday I was receiving ashes in the Galaxy of the Stars lounge aboard the NCL Spirit. So each year I make some Lenten promises, sacrifices and intentions. The intentions this year are more nebulous than usual, but nonetheless, um, intentional. My sacrifice is pretty concrete: I'm giving up drinking for 40 days. It's not as though I drink regularly to excess, but the regularly part is true and I've decided it can only save me money, calories and dignity to lay off for a while.

As for intentions...well, the pattern I noticed of Natalie circa 2008 was excess. To "comfort" myself in the hard/lonely/confusing times of '08 I grew accustomed to never saying no to myself. So in the tradition of Lent in general, this will be a season of denial. Not arbitrary denial for the sake of it, but denial for the sake of health and patience and growth. In short: for Lent I'm giving up being spoiled.

Ash Wednesday is one of my favorite days on the liturgical calendar. It's the heading at the top of a clean slate.

A Little Out of It

I took Nyquil last night for my cold (or whatever it is) and I am still in a haze. It's a great feeling to fall asleep to, but then you spend the next day in slow motion. I'm not upset about it. Just trying to get back to work. I guess listening to NPR at my desk isn't exactly a wake up call.

And speaking of "out of it" it's been nearly a month now since a blog posting. What's going on?? Well, I'll tell you. The following are things I blame for my absence:

1. Matt

2. Travel

3. Lack of creativity

In regards to travel...

This is what happens when you're driving from Chico to Reno and you say, "You know we're driving over Donner Pass." And Tara says, (screeeeeeeeeeeech) "We're doing a bit pic."

BlueCo with newbs and temps. Katy and Greg are newbs, Vanessa and I are temps. What a fun trip with three fun shows. Thank you, BlueCo, for making us feel so welcome and for taking me to visit my fam in Reno.

In regards to lack of creativity, I recently took a trip to Dallas for BizCo and I think my soul is still recovering. Alright, it wasn't bad. The script was daunting, but there was also barbeque, conspiracy and 15 fun people. Yes, 15. So all in all, another fun trip.

As for Matt...well, it turns out having a boyfriend means a lot less free time. Seriously, he is super annoying. Always, "Hey let's hang out, I'll buy you dinner." Or "I still have The Office saved on my DVR." Or "I got you another gift." I get it!

Uh....he's reading this isn't he....

Challenge!

I'll say it, my blog has been useless lately. Sure, I've taken a few pictures, but even that has tapered in the new year. Should I feel better that so far 2009 has robbed me of time to sit and ponder the shallow philosophies afforded us by our elastic Western lifestyle? I guess. So I thought, hey, eight readers (up from six in '08!), let me do you a service and get you involved. I'm an improvisor, I should invite audience participation. So I'm unveiling my first ever NerdTrueStory Scavenger Hunt (trademark)! Feel free to comment/email/text (depending on the depth of our friendship) and let me know how it goes for you.

Task List (loosely based on the events of my '09 so far)

1. Go to a restaurant that has a specific food in the title, but DO NOT get that food (ex: get something other than bagels at Einstein's or go to Chicago's Pizza and Oven Grinder, but get neither a pizza nor an oven grinder)

2. Listen to music that reminds you of high school (or some significant era in your life). For me, this means I have a playlist featuring Dave Matthews and Matchbox 20. It's great for office background.

3. Call your parents and ask them what they did today. I tend to only call my parents to report on my life...which is generally what my mother wants. But yesterday my dad passed an important HR certification test, which is his equivalent of getting a TourCo put-in. We're all still delighted over approval, even as grown-ups.

4. Tell someone exactly what you think of them. This doesn't apply to people you don't enjoy...but think of someone you really like or appreciate (even an acquaintance) and just say, "Hey, you're funny/doing great/wearing a cute scarf/etc."

5. Change the picture on your computer desktop. At home or work, make your desktop picture something totally different. It sounds dumb, but it changes things just enough.

6. Do something you don't want to do. This sounds super vague and not fun. But really, next time you think, "Ugh, I do NOT want to do dishes/take out trash/return this phone call" just do it without thinking about it. It can be small. You'll feel like Master of the Universe after.

7. Leave your phone at home. Natalie, I'm an actor/server/super f-ing important person! I can't leave my phone! What if someone needs me??? What if I get an email?? Yeah, I know. Everyone who knows me knows I'm glued to my stupid Centro (just kidding, baby, I love you and your Facebook app). But just see what happens if you go to the grocery store without it. Or a diner. Or the gym. I'm not talking the whole day. Just one hour. It's amazing. And think of how fun it will be to check it when you get back, just like an old-timey answering machine!

Well, there it is. Go.

Epiphany

This means I'm back at work.

I'm back in the office, not full time but the closest to it that I've been in three months. I realized yesterday that I'm coming up on my two year anniversary here, give or take three tours of duty. Our location has changed since February '07, my desk is different, but my job is roughly the same and so is my coffee mug. I complete the same ritual at home in the morning, watching MSNBC while I make my travel-friendly coffee and put together my lunch, which has been the same since the day I started: tuna, red peppers, plain yogurt. As I revisited these motions yesterday morning, I had strange flashbacks from the past two years all associated with whatever goings-on coincided with them. Hard-boiling eggs shouldn't come along with emotional baggage...but what can I do.

So it's Epiphany, the official end of the holiday season, but also the official launch into a new season of preparation on the liturgical calendar, from Advent to Christmas to Lent. That Catholic Church...it's always a party. I've put a lot of weight on the calendar this year, carefully observing mile-markers and symbolic numbers. I'd very much like to let that go, but I can't look at a date or a time without putting it in the context of some preceding event or commemoration. I'm using today, the Epiphany (I recognize the irony), to try to see things in front of me as new and unassociated. I need new memories.

Time is Never Time at All...

2009 huh.

I spent the New Year exactly as intended, with some good friends and food and the small adventure of walking through Rogers Park for 30 minutes looking for a cab. Alright, it wasn't all intended, but it all worked out. I didn't want the big party this year, and so instead Timmy benevolently allowed us to crash a grown up party with him. We started at a place called Anteprimo in Andersonville. Please have dinner here...it's amazing.

John is Spiderman.

Timmy, you've uh...got something...on your glasses.

Abby's sister Ann was in from Seattle. And thank God for her, or I would've been dateless.

Yes, it was Couplesville, USA, but these girls are the best.

Welcome to a decade of these pics.

As is my tradition, I went back and looked at my blog from the beginning of 08. My life is unrecognizable now...or at least my surroundings are. I've been saying how 2008 was awful and I hope 2009 can be better. But really, I'd just like it to be different. Some parts of 08 were the best parts of my life thus far. No need for regrets. The bad parts are over, the good ones hold steady and all in all I'm just glad for those people who stay my friends no matter what. I got to spend my New Year's Eve with several of those people. What's better than that?