Lost and Found

When you spend every waking moment with someone, you inevitably associate things with them. In the wake of a break up, there are often things that are "lost" if only for a short time...things that carry the label of "ours" and you can't bear to look/listen/think about without pain. I'd rather not address my current list of lost things, but I was thinking about the things from my past that I absolutely associate with a boy and can never enjoy again. Note: most of these things aren't that heartbreaking to miss. It's really more a matter of fact than any tragedy. A random sampling of things that have been ruined for me...







But the bright side, things that over time have been reclaimed...


The process of self actualization leads me to realize that these things are ultimately part of who I am, not part of what WE were. Now in the end, when things are all said and done is anyone really going to give an F whether or not I can listen to a Lenny Kravitz song without feeling melancholy or watch the Big Lebowski without wanting to vomit? No. These things are trivial and to a third person rather lame. But at the end of a relationship there is a strange logic to opening a half and half container to add to your diner coffee and thinking, "I remember when we used to sit in this booth on Saturday mornings and make little maelstroms in our coffee with these creamers. SOOOBBBBB." It's very human to hang onto these things when we can no longer hang onto that person.



I threw a lot of things away last night. My home is mine. Not ours.